#5: The Viper vs The Mountain – Game of Thrones
In its 4th season, of Game of Thrones introduced us to the charismatic, savvy, and sexy Oberyn Martell (aka “The Viper”) in a breakout performance by Mandalorian and Narcos star, Pedro Pascal. At the same time, we get the return of Gregor Clegane (aka “The Mountain”), played this time by Iclandic bodybuilder demigod Hafþór Júlíus Björnsson, who at the time held the record of world’s strongest man. Everything was lining up well with this fight scene, with a small agile man with a poisoned spear against a massive hulk with a greatsword.
To cut a long narrative drama short, The Mountain graphically crushes The Viper’s head. It made for great TV, but as a duel it was painful to watch for one simple reason – the editing was atrocious!
Every other second the camera keeps jumping back and forth to either Oberyn twirling, the Mountain roaring, and the characters spectating, panning on their reactions too much to see any of the action. There clearly was a lot of effort being put in this scene in both stunt work and the fact that it was shot in Croatia in the middle of summer. The purpose of having a fight scene is to have your audience witness the action, but if they cannot see it then all those efforts were wasted.
#4: The Bruce vs The Prince – Outlaw King
Netflix’s Outlaw king is considered, by history film buffs, to be the spiritual sequel to Braveheart. Set after William Wallace’s execution, the movie focuses on the continuing struggle of Scottish independence led this time by Robert the Bruce, played by Chris Pine. This movie, much unlike Braveheart, was made with some semblance of historical accuracy in mind when it comes to event’s, costumes, and weapons. You won’t see anyone in kilts or wielding a 6-foot sword.
There is one change that was not accurate historically and that was the portrayal of Prince Edward. They turned King Edward Longshanks’ son Prince Edward (that weak minded teen with no aspirations to be king) into something of a mad man always being loud and bombastic. There was a very silly scene where he “swears by swans”. This was the opposite of what he was historically. He was a weak minded prince who never had any skill both politically and militarily, (one of the few things Braveheart got right). I think that’s what they’re trying to do, but they took the exact opposite approach.
The movie tried to establish some kind of rivalry Between Bruce And Edward early on with them play-sparing in the movie’s intro (above), and later the Princes forces captured and imprisoned Bruce’s wife and daughter. But this rivalry was not fleshed out well enough, so this tension feels somewhat unearned. Eventually the two face off right at the Battle of Loudoun Hill (though it’s made to look like the more famous Battle of Bannockburn). The fight ends with a defeated and Humiliated Edward running away and a shitfaced Bruce looking on, letting him get away? You just defeated the English army with the prince at your feet and you let him get away. Capturing him would make a perfect ransom to get back Bruce’s wife and child.
I understand what director David Mackenzie was trying to do. Put an impulsive character who dreams of having glory in battle, but discovers to his horror that war is a nightmare. To the actor Billy Howl’s credit, his acting was superb, he really looked like a guy scared to death. But this fight scene just feels random and unearned. Like the makers thought that this movie’s needs to end with a sword fight between the hero and villain, but they half-assed it. And for a movie that was trying so hard to be accurate they missed the mark with this one showdown.
#3: Panther v Kill Monger – Black Panther
Black Panther has become a cultural phenomenon over the past few years thanks to its excellent performances by the late Chadwick Boseman and his foil Michael B. Jordan as the villain, Erik Killmonger. Their first battle was very well done – in stark contrast to their rematch in the climax.
Unlike the other bad fight scenes I mentioned, we actually can clearly see what is going on, but that’s the problem. The CGI looked too much like a PlayStation 4 game then a $200 million movie, and a Disney MCU movie at that. Perhaps they blew the CG budget on those (awesome) battle rhinos.
#2: His Dark Materials – Bear Fight!
Some of you may be familiar with the 2007 movie of the same name that was panned by audiences and critics. Eventually HBO (yes Game of Thrones HBO) was given the task to adapt Philip Pullman’s Books into a high budget TV show. In this 2019 Remake of The Golden Compass, we see armored polar bear, Lorek Byrnison face off the bear king Lofur Raknison to help Lyra find her lost friend and Uncle.
There were several major differences between this depiction and the 2007 film that has hampered my enjoyment. First, they were fighting inside a dark murky throne room, the other is that neither of them are wearing their armor so it’s very hard to tell who’s which bear we’re supposed to route for. Your “armored bears” right, isn’t that what you were? Here is a piece of advice for filmmakers if your two characters are CGI fighting it could hurt just to make them wear something so we can tell them apart.
…AND ANOTHER THING! Somehow the 2007 PG film had a more violent death then this. It is so strange how this fight is so censored because this new one was made by HBO. The original books were dark and disturbing anyway so why are you still trying to adapt this into being family friendly, again you’re H B O.
#1: Kirk vs The Gorn – Star Trek (TOS)
This is one of those few fight scenes that is so bad it is hilarious. Trekkies, you know it’s true. Sit back and enjoy the low-budget 60’s SciFi camp.
